4/20/2005 Why I use the F word (and you should, too)
Haddayr Copley-Woods
I'll never forget the first time I heard that wretched phrase.
It was a lovely day; I was enjoying lunch with a funny, strong coworker. We were talking about how difficult things could be at our conservative, male-dominated workplace. I was groovin' to the sisterhood, or so I thought, until she uttered those loathed words: "I'm not a feminist, but . . ."
You know what came next: I want equal pay for equal work and respect in the workplace and a partner who works just as hard as I do at home and access to abortion if I need it and . . .
After she spouted off her list of ideals, I stopped dead in the street, hands on my hips, and hollered belligerently:
"Well then why the hell aren't you a feminist?"
Susan Powter, the weight-loss and exercise guru, points out that feminism is the belief that men and women should be treated as equals: nothing more, nothing less. "You're either a feminist," she has said in several interviews, "or you're an idiot."
I know this is not the modern, touchy-feely thing to say, and even my beloved Women's Press (in what is no doubt a wise fiscal move, sadly) has changed its tagline to remove the word so as not to turn off women who might otherwise be interested in its pages.
Are these women turned off by voting? Owning property? Controlling how many children they have? Legal remedies to rape and domestic abuse? Family leave? Sexual freedom? Equal access to education? Because feminists brought all of these freedoms to us.
Yet many women‹especially young women, which particularly pains me‹reject the word out of hand. They tell me why: feminists are loud. We're pushy. We're hairy and angry and man-hating and unattractive.
I'll admit that sometimes I've been those things. Especially hairy. This is Minnesota, where January lasts all year, after all. But so have women I know who claim not to be feminists, and good lord, so have many, many men. It's nothing but a silly stereotype created to silence interesting, strong, creative, outspoken and powerful women‹albeit a stereotype with baffling longevity and vigor.
The group that created this idea‹frightened white men who didn't want change‹do not have the power to take our words and turn them against us if we withhold it from them. True: Pat Robertson has claimed that "Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." He's also told women that "the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." So, if you're a woman who is able to make her own adult decisions, you'd be wise not to take what Robertson and his ilk says about anything too seriously. You might want to tell them that we will not be scared off by their hateful hysteria.
I refuse to be frightened by these silly, frantic bullies, as does actor Cybill Shepherd (I dare you to call her man-hating and unattractive): "We are all benefiting from the great feminists who struggled and suffered and worked to give us everything women now enjoy," she says. "I refer to myself as a feminist, and I do it with pride."
Like Shepherd, I use the word "feminist" to describe myself not only because I believe in feminism's basic premise‹that men and women should be treated as equals‹but also to honor the women who came before me:
Susan B. Anthony and Sojourner Truth, who with hundreds of other women fought so hard to win me the vote. Gloria Steinem, who started Ms. magazine to give women a place to speak out in our own voices. Betty Friedan, who with her book, The Feminine Mystique, freed millions of women from the idea that our roles were tightly constrained by gender. bell hooks, brilliant, frank, direct and outspoken black intellectual. Poets Maya Angelou and June Jordan. Writers Ursula LeGuin and Louise Erdrich. Amy Tan and Isabel Allende. Dorothy Allison and Margaret Atwood. Toni Morrison. Alice Walker.
If the word "feminist" is good enough for them, it's good enough for me.
So the next time you peruse the want ads‹which are no longer divided by gender‹the next time you pop that birth control pill, the next time you see a father taking tender care of his own children, ask yourself: am I feminist?
Say it loud: I'm feminist and I'm proud.
Haddayr Copley-Woods learned feminism at her mother's smooth, well-shaven knee. She lives in Minneapolis with her hairy husband, her loud and pushy sons, her unattractive dog, and her angry, man-hating cats.
