Voice lessons EmergingVoices: Marcia Hyatt on finding her voice at her courageous and naked center
Ginny Belden-Charles and Marcia Hyatt
The more I practice centering before speaking, the more I show up. I am more courageous about what I share.
by Marcia Hyatt
I stood in front of 125 women, naked. Metaphorically that is. I openly shared my lessons about stepping into my own power. I wore no veneer. It was important to me that I spoke with my own voice because many of their issues are my issues.
When my client invited me to give this presentation, she said, "We need to help the women here. We need to hear their voices. They are invisible."
Was it a matter of courage? Were their voices inaudible? Maybe they, like me, had forgotten the sound of their authentic voice, or the fact that it mattered.
There are many reasons why my voice got contorted. I like people to like me. I would carefully try to make what I said acceptable, even if it meant not speaking my own truth. Early in my career, my boss coached me on how to look good and sound successful. I was thrilled. I learned how to wear the veneer of competence: "Don't ask questions unless you already know the answer." "Never let them see you sweat." "If you don't know the answer, here is how you cover." I liked looking smart and on top of things, even when it was not true and certainly not how I felt on the inside.
Then there were my Goldilocks lessons: "Don't lean forward in meetings. It makes you appear too aggressive, too hard." I learned to eliminate the soft, tentative language: "Don't say 'maybe' or 'I could be wrong but ... " That sounds too soft. I wanted to conform but I would swing wildly in what I perceived to be a narrow space of acceptable voice. I was like Goldilocks' bed. When I was too soft I would not challenge my colleague who routinely repeated my ideas as his own; I would not speak up when people gossiped. Sometimes I was too hard: I would advocate for my position and not listen to others; or not show how I really felt. I could not find a voice that was "just right"-right for me and acceptable to others. I had received confusing messages about what it means to be a strong leader and a woman.
I have been blessed with many opportunities to find my "just right" voice underneath my accumulated voice lessons. One key was to learn how to center myself; not to focus on others' perceptions or on their response. Wendy Palmer, author of "The Intuitive Body," teaches a simple centering practice. Wendy's practice consists of a deep breath with a long exhale, awareness of the space around you, relaxing and focusing my mind on an intention. I can do it in 7 seconds. My centered voice speaks in a lower register. It tells my truth, my experience. And I can do this without being hard; I can stay open to other people or the situation. The more I practice centering before speaking, the more I show up. I am more courageous about what I share. It doesn't feel courageous, it feels real. Just right.
A week before my presentation to the 125 women I was feeling excited and increasingly terrified. But, I stopped myself. I did the basic centering practice as I have done many times before. I did it again and again in the intervening week. So by the morning of the presentation, facing those women, I was hopeful I could openly share my own voice.
Being naked with those women was fun. I shared what matters most to me and we laughed-a lot. After the session was over, a woman came up to me and said, "I love the sound of your voice." I said, "Me, too." I now know what it sounds like.
