The baby change YourStory: Marcia Hyatt discovers a new self as a grandmother
Seeing this precious, fragile life come into being, made me look at my own.
by Marcia Hyatt
"If you don't push her out now, this baby is in trouble." That was all that needed to be said. This life was going to emerge. I stood, pushing on her knees during contractions, witnessing, at age 55, my first human birth.
What an incredible gift my stepdaughter and her husband gave me. When they were pregnant, they invited me into the process. They knew I had chosen not to have my own biological children in order to help raise my two stepdaughters, who were 8 and 11 when I came into their world.
I kept wondering how I could be of help during this birth. Here I was, spending nine hours in the birthing room, not fully understanding the rippling impact it would have on me.
It was an excruciatingly difficult decision to not bear children. My husband was clear: He had his children young and he wanted to devote his energies to his art. And I had always wanted kids. We decided to wait until the girls were on their own before we would even talk about the option again. I could not go to an elementary school concert without tearing up; seeing and hearing the beauty of those children, knowing I had not had the full experience.
When my stepdaughters were off to college, I brought up the subject again. Tom was clear, he wasn't interested. I was clear if he made this decision for me, I would find myself resentful in my menopausal years. As I thought about what was possible, I realized that having a child at 40 would be too hard. So, I passed. For a long time, I could not talk about that decision without tears escaping, revealing my sadness.
The loss was eased to some extent by the arrival of my first two grandchildren. My younger stepdaughter insisted they call me Grandma, not Marcia, to give me an official family position. I was so grateful. And then when we received the gift of the ultrasound picture last Christmas, I entered into the deeper realm of Grandma. As the baby grew in utero, I wanted to have conversations with her. Her parents had picked out a name, but decided to wait to share it at the birth. So I decided I needed a working title. Since I knew they had picked a German name, I began calling her Annaliese. I found out two months later, that was her name.
There I was, witnessing an ancient rite of passage with a young life I had already met. It has rippled through my life. Somehow, seeing this precious, fragile life come into being, made me look at my own. What legacy would I leave her? When I think about how I should spend my energy, I wonder, what serves life? When I look at my vocation, I wonder how to serve a higher good. And now, every time I write, I think it has to be honest and loving, because some day my grandchildren will be reading this.
Marcia Hyatt is a leadership and life coach. Check out her weekly radio feature "The Best of Ourselves" from Minnesota's North Shore, available at: www.wtip.org. Hyatt lives in Lutsen.
