"I have spent the last two decades dismantling that wall, seeking to live a life that is more balanced, more whole. -Ginny Belden-Charles
by Ginny Belden-Charles
I was in a hurry that morning years ago. I had an early meeting with the company president and I needed to get my children off to daycare. I applied my make-up, adjusted my navy blue power suit, tied my little bow tie. I wanted to appear confident, cool, powerful. My 2-year-old son was in his high chair with his bowl of oatmeal. As I rounded the wall to the kitchen, a large glob landed on my suit, then another. I looked around and there was oatmeal everywhere. My navy suit and my powerful veneer trashed by my baby's morning play. I lost it.
Managing the tension between work and home has been a lifelong balancing act for me. The suits and the little bow ties were the costume I wore to help me get into the work game. I needed what the game could offer. It was a way out of the poverty, vulnerability and dependence on men experienced by the women of my mother's and grandmother's generations. More than anything I think I wanted respect.
I learned the rules of the game. It was about power, control and especially for us women, task achievement. I became part of what my son now calls "the era of the superwoman." To survive I erected a wall between work and home. Drop off a child with sniffles at daycare in the morning. Put up a brick. Give the layoff message to 20 staff (many of whom I considered friends) without tears. Put up another brick. Eradicate "wussy words" from my vocabulary so that I would be taken seriously. More bricks. Eventually I ran smack into that brick wall. I was tired, disconnected from myself and had lost all sense of what brought me joy.
I have spent the last two decades dismantling that wall, seeking to live a life that is more balanced, more whole. I grieved the feelings I had walled up over the years. I also developed an appreciation for my wall, how it had propped me up, giving me the strength to manage the complexities of my life.
I have a more integrated life today than I did 20 years ago. I have my own business with a home office. I have more time for myself now that my children are grown. Today the challenges of balancing work and home have shifted to a new form. Now it's about being the full me. Can my work and my interactions be a reflection of my values and my true self? To what extent can I be fully present and engage my whole self, at work, at home and in each moment of my day?
As I consider these questions, I also think about my current home remodeling project, taking down the wall between the living room in the front of my house and the kitchen in the back. It feels like a symbolic act, the actual dismantling of a wall that has come down inside me. As my home is opened up to allow flowing from one area to another, so is my life less segmented and more integrated. It feels right.
Emerging Voices is the first of a series of columns by Ginny Belden-Charles and Marcia Hyatt. They are business partners at Waterline Consulting which supports leaders and organizations in creating their intended future. www.waterlineconsulting.com.
Reader Comments
Posted: Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Article comment by:
Marsha Clark
This article describes perfectly the challenge and the journey for so many women. Thanks for speaking for many of us in such an eloquent and relevant way. Here's to tearing down walls.
